Chasm
by Miss Artemis
Summary: Zanpaktou Rebellion Arc ...Her world is gone. No gentle singing, no prancing getas, no arrogant woman with a beautiful smile. Rukia attempts to come to terms with the fact that Sode no Shirayuki was no longer with her. Mild ByaRuki


CHASM

**Character(s):** Rukia, Sode no Shirayuki, Byakuya  
**Timeline:** Zanpaktou Rebellion Arc, spoilers for episode 232, AU after 241 where Rukia is given back a broken Sode no Shirayuki by Senbonzakura  
**Summary:** There was nothing there. No beautiful, arrogant woman with icy blue eyes and a rare, precious smile. Nothing. The blackness, the loneliness, the sense of falling into a black pit - it swallowed the little Kuchiki whole.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

The whole world darkened even as sunrise dawned on Seireitei. The glistening, bright orb slowly ascended at a painstaking pace. The sky slowly changed colors as well; from midnight to violet, to lavender to light pink, to light yellow and an eventual sky blue. But even as the morning dew shimmered and the larks continued their harmonious song, everything seemed silent and still to Kuchiki Rukia as she sat on her bed within her private room of the Fourth Division. The medics outside of her door were constantly running, checking on patients and exchanging orders. Needs for supplies filled the air. A set of matrons wheeled another freshly healed shinigami down the hall to another room.

No one checked her stats, for which she was grateful. She didn't know how she should act anymore. The news of her zanpaktou meeting its demise by the hands of a different shinigami had spread like wildfire despite Unohana-taichou's attempts to stifle them. Specifics from the Twelfth Division still remained fuzzy, but Kurotsuchi-taichou made it perfectly clear to everyone that the affected shinigami and their zanpaktou would no longer be the same.

They could only imagine what she was going through.

Rukia faintly felt Isane-fukutaichou's reiatsu stop outside her door, hesitating for a moment, and reluctantly continuing on. Subconsciously, the little Kuchiki felt a sense of relief, reprieve. No more questions, no more worried faces, no more persistent analysis from Kurotsuchi-fukutaichou. Thankfully, the Kuchiki name had withheld against Kurotsuchi-taichou (but only for a while, she couldn't help but think bitterly).

She ignored the window beside her, ignoring the way the newly born sun's rays would faintly warm her cold hands that lied meaninglessly on the cotton sheets, ignored the sounds of medics and moans of the injured on the left and the sounds of nature and chirping avian on the right. But most certainly (and with most failure), Kuchiki Rukia tried her best to ignore the shattered sword before her. It sparkled beautifully against the sun despite of being severed below the hilt, disrupting the blade's previous elegance and smoothness…her marred perfection all the more hurtful. The ribbon caressed her fingertips and Rukia felt a small reassurance when seeing that the ribbon was still cool and smooth as velvet.

Sode no Shirayuki had fallen from grace, lying in pieces despondently. Rukia had tried several times to connect with her zanpaktou to find nothing. It felt like searching in a dank, black hole that encompassed nothing. The blackness, the loneliness, the sense of falling into a pit – they swallowed the little Kuchiki whole, leaving her a stoic statue sitting upon her bed. Large, blue eyes gazed at the blade solemnly, features twisted into the famed Kuchiki mask of indifference.

What was she to do? How could she possibly fix something that not even Kurotsuchi-taichou knew how to fix? Medical reiatsu, technology, science…everything had failed.

Her throat worked to swallow down her climbing panic. Her heart began to beat faster, air coming in forcefully rather than peacefully. Her head became dizzy. The feeling that she needed to get up and run, to do something constructive, rushed through her.

In order to keep herself from slipping into hysteria, Rukia thought back to her beloved, beautiful zanpaktou. The katana that had saved her life on countless occasions, the sword that had taught her everything she now knew, the sword that had offered guidance as long as she prevailed to excel in her teachings. Her coldness, her beauty, her perfection, the way she would tilt her head when giving instructions, the way her crystal blue eyes would gleam with arrogance, the rare smile that transformed her superfluous appearance into one of stunning brilliance, the woman who subtly encouraged her, judged her, befriended her, guided her…Sode no Shirayuki.

She had been seven years of age when she first saw Sode no Shirayuki, even though (at the time) she didn't know it. Little Rukia had walked aimlessly in the darkness, frightened and cold, her bare feet numb against the freezing, snow-encompassed ground. It took her hours to finally find someone else. Large, childish blue eyes widened at the beautiful woman dressed completely in white, ivory, and pale green sash. Her long lapels were swaying in the breeze along with her mid-back white hair. Her skin shined like freshly made porcelain; long black eyelashes caught small flecks of snow.

The sound of her feet caused the woman to tilt her head to the side at the newcomer. The gesture itself proclaimed nobility and elegance, causing the child to stop with awe. Momentarily forgetting how cold it suddenly became (or the fact that the snow now came up to her ankles), large eyes watched the way her tresses floated, how her hair parted into clips at her temples, the half-bun on the back of her head and the way a thick strand of hair seemed to drift in between her gorgeous, pale eyes to drift back over her shoulder and into her sleek hair.

"Aren't you cold?" she pondered to the deity before her.

The woman's cold, aloof gaze narrowed slightly at the child. "No." Her voice, though holding a slight edge of irritation, held a soothing effect. Rukia rubbed at her tingling ears. Strange – it seemed as if her voice was muffled. Maybe it was the wind and the snow blowing everywhere that caused it?

"How did you enter my domain, child?" The deity suddenly questioned in return.

Rukia shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. I went to bed and here I am! Where am I? Is this your home?"

The woman frowned a little. With a small sigh, she turned away from the girl and began to walk away. Rukia blinked in a moment of shock before scrambling after the lady.

"O-Oi! Where you going!?"

"I am going to train. Now, go back to where you belong."

"But how do I do that? I don't have a home!"

"That is none of my concern. Now, please leave me."

When it became apparent that the girl wasn't going anywhere, the woman resigned herself to an audience. Mumbling under her breath about disobedient, snot-nosed children, the woman continued to an open plain that held frozen-over cherry blossom trees. Stopping in the middle of the open field, the woman suddenly produced a white and ivory decorated hilt from the inside of her right lapel. Closing her eyes briefly, the hime placed the open end of the hilt to her palm and slowly pulled it away. The further it got away from her left hand, there appeared a white glow. Rukia gasped in amazement and awe at the spectacle and found herself yearning to touch the beautiful white sword once the glow faded away, showing pure perfection. Her eyes trailed over the long ribbon that cascaded gently with the wind in ripples.

The hime proceeded to do swings and cuts, all the while moving at blinding speed. She appeared at one place, striking a frozen tree before reappearing somewhere else and not bothering to watch the tree collapse in half. Her movements were precise and swift, her sleeves and ribbon trailed and swayed artistically in the cold, frigid air. Slanted eyes narrowed in concentration. Long, silver-white hair flowed along with her movements. The fact that she was in a traditional kimono seemed to mean nothing to her as she agilely jumped and moved, performing a series of complicated thrusts and parries to an invisible opponent only she could see. Rukia watched her, unable to drag her eyes away.

Taking a break, the lady paused. Rukia made her presence known again.

"Why do you dance?"

Startled, the lady turned to her – confusion darkened her features.

"Dancing? I am not dancing, little girl. I am training."

"But how can that be training? You look so pretty fighting!"

Rukia managed to catch a glimpse of something indefinable streak through the woman's crystal blue orbs. Her shoulders seemed to finally relax within Rukia's presence.

"What is your name?" Her voice was soft and gentle with the slightest edge still there, still somewhat guarded.

"Rukia, just Rukia," Rukia looked down sadly. "I don't have a last name." She suddenly brightened, though. "What's your name?"

The woman, for the first time since they met, allowed a small smile to grace her light pink lips. The transformation stunned Rukia. The woman no longer looked untouchable, but real and within her reach. The distain held within her orbs almost disappeared.

"You will know when the time comes, little Rukia."

Somehow, seven-year-old Rukia knew her words to be true.

Rukia felt the stirring of helplessness enter her gut. She ignored the light knocking on her door. If it was Isane-fukutaichou or Unohana-taichou, they would have already come in. Instead, she gazed at the broken blade, eyes trailing at the clean, precise cut that had slashed the katana into two pieces. Her right hand moved away from the ribbon her left hand refused to give up to grasp at the area where her heart lied. Kaien-dono had engrained in her mind that her heart was where bonds were formed, between friends and nakama. But what can one do when their other half – the one person she trusted and loved more than anyone else – was killed? When that person made that final cut, they had sliced up her heart – leaving it to shrivel away within her.

The woman, her katana, the part of her she could never express but wish to become over time, Sode no Shirayuki…meant everything to her. Even when at their last meeting, the ice princess had held nothing but contempt and utter loathing for her.

Rukia had already begun to miss every nuance of her. Her home was gone, her inner world had been torn to shreds, melting away to a barren darkness that held no meaning. She was utterly alone, like so many, many years ago. It was Rukongai all over again. Rukia leaned forward, her hands burying themselves into her bob of raven hair. There was no voice, no gentle-whimsical singing, no sounds of prancing ballet slippers and geta-sandals, no witty banter to keep her occupied when she was worried or upset…nothing.

Her body felt cold. Chills ran up and down her spine as the severity of the situation finally hit home. Sode no Shirayuki was gone, nowhere…and there was a possibility that she would never come back. Hot, irritating prickles stung behind her eyelids at the passing thought.

"_My name is Sode no Shirayuki. Let us begin. If you can master my dances, I will concede that you are my rightful mistress. If not, it only proves that you are unworthy of me and my power."_

_-_

"_Again! Keep your grip firm and steady!"  
_

_-_

"_Be light on your feet! Be constantly aware of your surroundings! Don't ever drop your guard!"_

_-_

"_The first dance can only be executed with complete precision. It will create a circle the length of the wielder's casting arm and encircle the opponent underneath their feet. Then, ice will rush upward and stretch all the way to the Heavens and beyond. Everything within its cylindrical domain will be frozen. For example…Some no Mai: Tsukishiro!"_

_-_

"_You're still too slow! Faster! Concentrate!"_

_-_

_The beautiful woman gently held the sobbing, young woman in her arms. Crystal blue eyes held fury and sadness. Rukia gasped against her sash: "R-Renji let me go…h-he didn't come after me! W-Why!?"_

_She didn't answer, but rocked the girl, allowing her little mistress this one time of weakness._

_-_

_Sode no Shirayuki gently caressed her cheek, ignoring Rukia's surprised gaze at her very rare act of affection to her wielder. "Do not be sad. Your nii-sama does not deserve you. You did your best and that's all anyone, including I, can ask of you. Remember, you still have a long way to go."_

_-_

"_Let us go on to the second dance. The second dance will consist of you stabbing at the ground four times. Then, hold the sword steady and wait until you feel your reiatsu reach its peak. Then, release. But remember, you still need to aim and guide it. Watch…Tsugi no Mai: Hakuren!"_

_-_

"_You did not kill him!" Sode no Shirayuki angrily snapped at the despondent Rukia. The dead, defeated gaze of her wielder caused the normally courteous, polite, sensible, cordial noblewoman to grab the front of Rukia's shinigami robes and heft her off of the ice and snow covered ground until their noses nearly touched. Her eyes grew stormy and the atmosphere around them immediately became that of a wild blizzard. Rukia had nothing to look at but her steely gaze._

"_Nejibana and his master fought for what they believed in! They THANKED you for allowing them to fight for their pride and honor! How dare you mock them after their sacrifice! After their graciousness!" Sode no Shirayuki brought Rukia closer until their noses finally met. "Shape up or so help me I will refuse you as my master! I will not serve one as weak and pathetic as you!"_

_-_

_Rukia lied down upon the concrete with closed eyes. The chill of the stone that seeped through her white yukata seemed insignificant at the moment. Unbeknownst to her, Sode no Shirayuki lied on the ground as well, opposite her until their heads touched. Pale lids parted to show worried blue eyes._

"_Are you sure?" she whispered into the empty abyss of the citadel. When hearing nothing but the stable, calm breathing of her charge, Sode no Shirayuki felt a flutter of pride and sadness whelm up inside of her._

"_Very well…"_

_-_

_Sode no Shirayuki turned away, her shoulders trembling and eyes staring straight ahead of her – uncharacteristically wide and fearful. It came from a distance, but as it got closer, Sode no Shirayuki could not misplace Shinsou's gleeful, bloodthirsty laughter. She grasped her ears. "RUKIA!"_

_-_

"_What should I do?" Rukia bit her lip as she stared down at her nii-sama, whose indigo gaze refused to leave her even as Unohana-taichou worked on his bleeding torso…a fatal hit meant for her. He hadn't said anything after relaying the story of Hisana, the sister she had never known, but his eyes still continued to silently plead: forgive me. Sode no Shirayuki gave one of her rare smiles and reached over and grasped her small hand. She moved it to her nii-sama's nearest, resting hand and weaved her hand into his grasp._

_Her lips whispered against the shell of her ear. "I think that you should give him a chance."_

_Rukia gave a small smile, the nervous flutters in her stomach disappearing and trading with sweet clarity._

"_Hai, nii-sama."_

_Sode no Shirayuki gave a small huff of laughter at the happiness that weld up in her charge at the signs of relaxation on her nii-sama's face when hearing her forgiveness._

_-_

"_Rukia! It's not Kaien or Nejibana!" Sode no Shirayuki desperately pulled at Rukia's stilled, limp hands. She ignored the fact that Nejibana's trident had pierced through her charge's stomach, the fact that her eyes held no semblance of life and the fact that blood continued to seep through the corners of her mouth and her stomach, gradually sliding down Nejibana's staff to the monster below. "LISTEN TO ME! BELIEVE IN ME! HE IS NOT KAIEN! USE OUR LAST DANCE!"_

_-_

"_I do hate you." Crystal eyes narrowed venomously, pink lips turned downwards at the corners. "I positively loathe you." She pointed her faithful katana at her charge below her, distain filling her as that orange nuisance, Zangetsu's child-master, moved forward to protect Rukia. "Therefore, I will take away everything you hold dear: your friends, your family, your pride as a shinigami! All you need do is watch."_

_-_

"_I belong to no one!"_

_-_

"_I am free! I can do what I wish!"_

_-_

"_I will no longer listen to your commands, anymore!"_

_-_

"_Do you really think that you can suddenly live without me? That you will willingly give me up? Just like that?" Sode no Shirayuki hated how her heart seemed to suddenly decide to jump into overdrive, fluttering nervously as what she had always wanted – freedom – come within her grasp. She didn't know what to make of the determination lighting her mistress's eyes._

_-_

"_Y-Yamaro…stop…" Sode no Shirayuki felt her heart break as Rukia stopped their mental conversation and lifted her hands. A small ball of sapphire reiatsu gradually grew within her frail hands. _

_Her eyes widened. "Don't..."_

_Rukia felt the tears ready to bridge over her eyes. "SOREN SOKATSUI!"_

_-_

"_You actually let me go…"_

"Because you mean too much to me…"

Rukia grabbed the broken sword and hugged it tightly to herself. Hot, salty tears pattered onto the hilt, the ribbon and the broken blade. It glistened against the morning sun.

Rukia finally screamed. "SODE NO SHIRAYUKI! MAI! MAI! MAI, SODE NO SHIRAYUKI! ONEGAI!"

She leaned forward in a bow until her forehead grazed the hospital sheets. Her hands tightened their hold until the sharp blade cut into her soft flesh and spilled her blood onto the pristine sheets. Her shoulders shook, her tresses bobbed with her movements. Gasping and sobbing, Rukia fruitlessly screamed for the zanpaktou that she could no longer feel any trace of. She ignored the fact that there were probably people outside her room and that it was unacceptable, as a Kuchiki, to break down. She merely let go.

Her ears didn't register the opening of the door or the gentle closing of it. Rukia ignored the sudden weight that now occupied the space beside her, as well as the masculine scent that encircled her along with a pair of strong arms clad in a white taichou-robe. Ukitake gathered the little Kuchiki into his arms, mahogany eyes troubled and sympathetic. He didn't take note of her blood smearing the once pristine of his jacket or the hot tears that stained it as well. Her sobs became muffled, her hands grasping at his robes and ignoring the clatter of her sword falling to the tiled floor in pieces. She faintly heard the combined shouts of Renji and Ichigo demanding to be let in. Her taichou murmured that everything will get better, that Kurotsuchi-taichou will find a way to bring Sode no Shirayuki back…but she knew, she already knew.

Sode no Shirayuki would never come back.

Rukia liked to believe that if she could (if she even _wanted_ to), Sode no Shirayuki would have been crying with her.

_Mai…mai…_

-

Outside on the ledge, out of sight and reiatsu masked, a tall figure with a familiar scarf and kenseikan listened to the on-goings within the room. Every sob that reached his ears, the young man narrowed his eyes, eyebrows furrowed and fists clenched. A morning breeze brushed away his bangs, only to have them fall back.

Kuchiki Byakuya thought back to that moment, only mere hours ago, when he cut through Sode no Shirayuki and felt his jaw clench.

Unbeknownst to the other zanpaktou that had watched with horror-filled gazes, Sode no Shirayuki smiled at an internally stunned Byakuya. She whispered softly for his ears only:

"Tell your pride…that I'm sorry."

Byakuya frowned deeper before shunpo-ing away.  
_  
Asumimasen, Rukia._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_Author's Notes:_ Yeah! I loved this one! I really enjoyed writing this. I felt so badly for Rukia-chan. Damn it, Byakuya! Why'd you do it!? I hope they can bring Sode no Shirayuki back. I really liked her and how they made her out to be. To be considered the most beautiful sword of all Seireitei and yet be barred like a caged bird. Poetic, no? lol

I promise that I'll start working on "Akuen" again. Watching the latest episodes (and hearing Byakuya call Rukia his pride - AGAIN! sqee!) have inspired me again with my Rukia x Byakuya obsession. So get ready for som ByaRuki in "Akuen!"

Please read and review! I like constructive criticism!

~ Miss Artemis


End file.
